I Don't Need You?
by Geezworld234
Summary: The investigation into Josua Bradbury's killer should have been routine job for UCOS but will someone from Sandra's past make this possible? More importantly will she be able to confide in someone to help her come to terms with and get over what happened? Some Sherry moments thrown in for good mesausre
1. Going anywhere fast?

**I Don't Need You?**

_This is my first attempt at writing a New Tricks fanfiction. Or any fanfiction fro that matter. I hope you enjoy it even if it is somewhat predicable in places. Feel free t comment without being too cruel. **Disclaimer: **A as much as I wish I did I do not own New Tricks or any of the characters.  
_

The re-investigation into Josua Bradbury's murder should have been a routine clean up for the crack team that is UCOS. Maybe if they hadn't been clutching at straws when it came to finding witnesses it would have been.

It was 3:15 in the afternoon and the third day into the investigation. So far all they were able to drum up was the fact that the original murder team's prime suspect's fingerprints did not match those on the knife used to kill Josua Bradbury. Hence the reason for the new investigation. Brian Lane Stared at the computer screen trying to find links between the victim's lifestyle and his brutal death. Reading various media reports from the said murder in 1977, one name kept cropping up over and over again; Paul Caudwell. Could this have been the break through the team were looking for? "Here, Gerry, I think I may have found something." The northerner called to the only other person in the room. "What is it Brain?" Gerry Standing called as he left his desk to see what his colleague had discovered. By now the ever expert Brian had highlighted Paul Caudwell's name twenty seven times on nine separate documents, all claiming he was at the crime scene pretty much immediately after the killing. "Paul Caudwell" Brian began "absent from the case files but larger than life in the local and national papers that reported on the Bradbury murder".

"What, the original team failed to pick up on this?" Like Brian Gerry was confused.

"The investigation reached a dead end before these were published. They got nowhere in the first 48 hours and by then a serial killer in Bow had struck again killing a 19 year old girl. The MI squad quickly changed its priorities bigger fish to fry and all that. What I don't understand is that how come this Caudwell chap did not come forward to the police." Gerry scan read the article Brian had open, finding the answer to his friend's question; "because he was 16" he said pointing to the computer screen.

"That's funny the Daily Mirror is the only paper both local and national to mention the boys name" Brian quipped.

"Well the Guv and Jack will be back any minute so we can fill them in and then talk to our star witness".


	2. Is she Okay?

"What witness?" A woman's voice called. Sandra breezed into the room shrugging off her red button up coat, throwing it onto the coat stand in one smooth moved. Jack hot on her heels followed her into UCOS HQ. "His name is Paul Caudwell and he was 16 when Josua Bradbury was killed." Sandra's heart skipped a beat. Several beats in fact. As Brian had told her this she felt her jaw line slide open.

"He claims, in nine different reports to have arrived at the crime scene pretty much after Bradbury was killed. Although he told this to the press he did not tell the original murder squad" Gerry picked up.

"So this was before Patricia Jepson allegedly found Josuas's body?" Jack piped up. Brian nodded. "I think we need to repay Miss Jepson a visit and hear what this Paul Caudwell has to say for himself". By now Detective Superintendent Pullman had completely blanked out, failing to take in what her boys had been saying to her. Gerry looked in Sandra's direction and noticed that his Guv'nor's face was drained from its colour. "Guv?" It took Sandra a good few seconds to register Gerry's concern.

"Er, Yeah". Gerry gave both Jack and Brian a shooting look to say something wasn't right.

"I did a search into Paul Caudwell but nothing came up. I did however, get a last known address, Jack and I can pay him a visit". Brian continued who was also beginning to be alarmed by his boss' behaviour.

"Okay, thanks Brian. Gerry and I can grill Patricia Jepson again". As she said this she gave the boys a quick 'I'm okay' smile and headed for her office, closing the door firmly behind her.

"Is she okay?" Brian whispered, whilst peering through the door window that led to her office.

"Well she was when we went to talk to Josua Bradbury's family" Jack replied.

"You don't think it's, well, woman's problems do you?"

"Women's problems? Nah, listen Bri, when you have lived with as many women as I have you can spot PMT a mile off". Gerry scoffed "and besides it's ever since you mentioned that Paul Caudwell character".

The two older men looked at each other in agreement. "Speaking of the devil, let's go and see how he is going to explain this. Come along Brian". Jack took his coat and gracefully pope dot on. Brian trailed behind him whilst trying to wrap his scarf around his neck and zip his coat up at the same time.

Gerry closed down the online poker site he had lost 30 quid to during the majority of the day then turned off his computer. He walked towards Sandra's office but hesitated a little before knocking. "Come in" she said, for a moment Gerry actually thought it sounded as if she had been crying a little. Nah, he must be going senile in his old age, Sandra crying there was more chance of pigs flying, Standing. He opened the door with slight caution as he did he caught a glimpse of Sandra wiping her cheeks as if she had let tears escape down them. "Er, you alright, Guv?" She nodded, giving him her trademark dazzling smile to mask her true feelings. "Ready then?" She stood up, grabbed hold of her handbag which was lying on the desk and followed Gerry out of the office. "I'll let you drive Gerry". She said knowing that if it was her driving there was every chance she would run them off the road as her mind had wondered off somewhere, lost in the past.


	3. Revisiting Jepson

The entire car journey to Patricia Jepson's flat was pretty much silent bar the odd direction given by Sandra because Gerry was yet to meet Ms Jepson, Josua Bradbury's girlfriend and the woman who was on file for finding the body. Gerry pulled up onto the council estate where she lived. Sandra kept her vow of silence until the petite brunette woman (who looked to be the wrong side of fifty thought Gerry) answered the door. "Ah Patricia, we need to ask you some more questions surrounding the night in question." Patricia took one sweeping look at Gerry, clocking that he was not the same man who accompanied Sandra the first time she questioned her. Noticing this Sandra introduced her to him. "This is my colleague, Gerry Standing." Giving Gerry the cue to barge into the flat. "Alright keep your wig on" the Liverpudlian accent chimed as Gerry barged past her.

Patricia gestured to the pair of them to sit down on the sofa and flopped down on the armchair opposite. "Well I have already told you everything I know". Sandra threw Patricia an unsympathetic smile. Gerry smiled to himself, pleased to see Sandra looking more like her usual self. "You see Ms Jepson I don't think you have." The cocky sounding woman suddenly ceased speaking, feeling significantly smaller. "Can you tell us about Paul Caudwell?" Gerry chipped in.

"Sorry who?"

"Paul Caudwell, he claims he was at the Hollywell Inn around an hour before you told the original murder team you arrived and found the body.

"I told you, I don't know no Paul Cromwell."

"Caudwell" Sandra corrected her.

"So you arrived at the Hollywell Inn where Josua managed at 12:15 in the morning at there was no signs of anybody else being there before?" Gerry inquired.

"Like I said before, no." Sandra raised an eyebrow and scanned the room for a sign of some sort. Then as if by magic there it was, a picture of Paul Caudwell. Clear as day. It had been over 30 years since she had clocked eyes on him but he hadn't changed one bit. Those heavenly hazel eyes of his that Sandra once adored were exactly as she could remember them. "Then perhaps you could tell me why you have a picture of Paul Caudwell on your mantel place, Mrs Jepson?" She challenged. Patricia froze. "No problem, we can do this at the station, no trouble for us is it?" Gerry shook his head in agreement.

"Alrigh' he's my step-brother, innit." Gerry turned to face Sandra as if to ask how she had figured it out. Then it dawned on him, before when he was talking to the lad's earlier about the bizarre mood the Guv'nor was in; this Paul was behind it.

"Thank you. Now could you please tell us if you were aware of Paul's presence so soon after the murder?" Sandra said moving her thoughts back onto the case and not her teenage years. "Course I did, it was my mum what gave him the alibi should youse lot come asking him questions".

"Patricia you do realise that lying to the police is a criminal offence as is perverting the cause of justice?" Anger rose in Sandra's voice as she snarled "I think you'd better come with us to the station". Gerry put a hand on her shoulder to restrain her. Surprisingly Patricia cooperated Gerry wondered if it had anything to do with 'super scary' Sandra he also wondered what it was about Paul Caudwell that gotten under her skin.

"Look, Sandra I think it's best if you drive and I'll sit in the back with the desperate Scousewife." He said throwing Sandra the keys to his beloved Stag. "Oi!" Patricia protested.

"Gerry, I am not driving that pile of shit!" Gerry shot her a look to tell her she was stepping of line. "Guv, I think she's scared shitless of you." He whispered.

She mouthed the word "Sorry", god she had always been crap at apologies especially when she was in the world's worst mood.


	4. Getting Somewhere?

Back at the station Brian and Jack ensured that Paul Caudwell was kept in custody ready for Detective Superintendant Pullman to question him. Sandra and Gerry escorted Patricia to an interview room and began quizzing her. "I think it is time you told the truth, from the beginning, don't you Patricia". Sandra placed both her hands together and rested them on the table, leaning slightly in to try and lull the potential suspect into a false sense of security.

"When did you last see Josua?" Gerry asked.

"Around Ten O'clock that Tuesday evening, the pub was quiet and the Landlord was in Majorca so Josh shut up early. He wanted to talk to me" she broke away nearly in tears. "You gotta understand I DID love Josh but he found out there was someone else."

"Who?" Sandra asked.

"Paul's second cousin Alex Caudwell." Just as she was about to reveal vital information that she had been hiding for 30 odd years about Josua Bradbury's brutal murder Jack entered the room. "For the benefit of the tape Jack Halford has entered the room". He walked over to Sandra and whispered in her ear. "This interview is suspended at 18:09". Gerry stayed put and watched Jack and Sandra swiftly leave the room.

Closing the door behind her with a slight slam, she glared at Jack. "This better be good, Jepson was about to crack" if Jack did not know better he could detect a hint of malice in his boss' voice. "Oh it is, Brian and I have broken Caudwell." Sandra smiled attempting to cover up the sick feeling she had about coming face-to-face with Paul Caudwell all these years later whom before today was just a vague and distant memory. "Let's finish him off then!"

Sandra followed Jack into the second interview room and they sat at the other side of Caudwell. "This is Detective Superintendant Sandra Pullman." Paul smiled.

"'Ello Sandy, it's been a long time. You've done alright for yourself."

"Doesn't sound like you have. And it's Detective Superintendant to you. We need to go over where you were on Tuesday the 23rd of April 1977 between 10pm and 12:15".

"It was a long time ago darlin'" the word repulsed her.

"Well you better start remembering because as of now you are a suspect in a murder inquiry. Tell us about Josua's relationship with your second cousin Alex Caudwell". Jack took this as his indication to leave, after all if Paul produced any information it would only stand as evidence if Alex could back it up and he was yet to be found. "For the benefit of the tape Jack Halford has left the room". Five minutes later Jack had been replaced with Brian. "Now then Mr Caudwell, my colleague has just located your cousin and is bringing him in for questioning, so you better cooperate".

"Alright, Alex was shagging Jousua's mrs and he must of found our because cuz Patricia rung Alex in hysterics sayin' he was gunna kill her. Anyway, Alex left the house, never said what happened just if the police came he was at Patricia's mum's house all night".

Sandra suspended the interview in hope that Alex Caudwell would provide her with further information. She felt a hand grab her wrist. "Sandra" came the sound of Brian's voice. "Alex Caudwell belonged to a gang in Brixton the gang leader was put on trial in '75 for stabbing a 24 year old man, Stuart Chase".

"Cheers Brian" she said taking the documents from him. "Tell Jack and Gerry to keep having a go at Patricia and I will finish off after I have spoken to Alex Caudwell".


	5. Alex Caudwell

Sandra entered the room coming face-to-face with a bloke who could have been mistaken for Paul Caudwell's double, almost. Making her feel a little uneasy. "Mr Caudwell, Detective Superintendent Pullman". He stared at her blankly. "Can you tell me about your involvement in a Brixton gang in 1975?" Nothing. "Oaky, what call you tell me about Josua Bradbury's murder?" Alex shrugged. "Alright, we can do this the hard way. This is the knife that was used to kill Josua Bradbury. I am now showing Mr Caudwell exhibit SPF 24X."

"Now what is really interesting, is the knife used to kill Josua is almost identical to the one that was used to kill Stuart Chase in 1975." Brian placed another photo on the table which almost mirrored the one Sandra had shown Alex. "Exhibit SPF 4B".

"Okay, Mr Caudwell, the hard way it is. That being the case I am going to have to ask you for a DNA and fingerprint sample". Finished Sandra.

"Y-you can't do that" the man stammered.

"Oh, I think you'll find we can. You see so far every person we have spoken to has failed to see the importance in this case by choosing to keep vital information from us" Sandra was almost spitting as she said this. Her anger has obviously had some kind of an effect on Alex as he began to whimper. "O-okay I was in the Brixton gang. J-jimmy Nelson, the leader he made me, stab him, St-stuart. He wanted me to prove myself. I did it. I killed Stuart Chase." Blimey Sandra wanted a confession but she had no idea it was going to be child's play.

"So how come Jimmy Nelson was the one on trial for the murder?" Brian asked.

"Because I fled, I went to Spain to live with my older sister until it died down. I came back to England late '76, Paul's mum put me up. That's when I met Patricia". Brian looked closely at the former gang member noticing he was beginning to sweat. He was scared. "So where were you on the 23rd of April 1977?" Sandra retried.

"Patricia was going to finish it with Josh, that same night she told him. She rang me about quarter to ten sayin' she was scared, he'd hit her. She wanted me to come and get her, he threatened to kill her. You don't know what he was like, what he was capable of." Sandra leaned in, much like she had done when Patricia Jepson was being interviewed over an hour ago. "Then what happened?"Brian asked.

"Well my younger cousin, second cousin to be precise, over heard. He asked if he could come with me to sort Josh out, fancied himself as a young Al Capone." Sandra scoffed at this remark as a familiar character sprung to mind. "So you just took a 16 year old boy with you to 'sort Josua out'?"

"No, god no. I went by myself, the Hollywell was open so I went in. He had Patricia by the throat her face was almost purple, I thought she was gunna die. That when I took the knife outta my pocket."

"You were going to use it? After everything that had happened with Stuart Chase?" Brian inquired.

"I was 22 years old, with a weapon concealed I thought I could play Mr untouchable. God."

"Evidently" Sandra remarked. "So what happened then?"

"Well I stabbed him, first in the ribs, he fell to the floor. Patricia screamed. I told her to get out, I went over to Josh, he was still breathing and I was worried he would stumble up and finish Patricia off. She ran out. That's when I saw that Paul have been watching from outside the whole time. He said that was enough and told me to put the knife down. That's when Josua's hand twitched he pulled Paul to the floor by his ankle. The sumbag had done enough damage to Patricia's family he wasn't going to take Paul as well. Paul tried to get up but Josh held tight to his ankle. I think it took most of his strength as he didn't get up. I slit his throat just to make sure he wouldn't harm anybody else. Then I stabbed him in the chest. Just to make sure".

"I think you could have taken your chances". Brian muttered.

"Thank you, Mr Caudwell, we will require you fingerprints and DNA to ensure they match the ones found on the weapon and at the scene then you will be formally charged. This interview is terminated at 20:02 pm".


	6. Blast From the Past

Brian and Sandra watched the two uniformed officers lead Alex Caudwell away along with Patricia Jepson who would formally be charged with perverting the cause of justice. Jack and Gerry joined the two of them in the corridor. "There was a point when I thought we were going to get anywhere in this case" Jack said almost solemnly.

"Well it was Brian's ingenious digging that led us to the Caudwell's, well done mate."

"Cheers Gerry". Brain said as Gerry patted him on the back.

"Well there is still some cleaning up to do yet, Gerry with me." He followed her back into the interview room to be greeted by Paul Caudwell. "Sandy, I forgot to ask yer, how's your mum?" Gerry looked at Sandra gone out. "Like I said earlier Paul, it's Detective Superintendant Pullman. But yeah she's fine thanks." She said without sounding sincere. Christ, he had a bloody nerve she thought to herself. "We've been speaking to your cousin, Alex." Gerry thought he ought to break the awkward tension that was manifesting between the Guv'nor and Caudwell.

"Lucky you, How is Alex aint seen him in ages". Paul leaned back into the plastic seat and folded his arms to create an illusion her was confident. Sandra regained the driving seat, "now you see Paul, what we fail to understand s we know you were at the crime scene at the time of Josua Bradbury's murder, thanks to your cousin but not why you went to the papers two days later telling them you found the body." He gulped.

"You always did act as if you had bigger balls than the rest of us, eh Sandra." _Bollocks_ she thought, trying to conceal her raging anger once more. "I did it to put your lot off the scent" he admitted. Gerry rose from the slouching position he was sat in to indicate he was listening fully. "What to protect Alex?" Paul scoffed at the remark.

"You're having a laugh aint ya. Nah I didn't do it for Alex I did it to protect myself".

"But why you weren't the one who killed Josua" came Sandra's response.

"I practically did. You see Alex was going to leave him as he was, he didn't want to kill him. I did though; he ruined my step-sister's life. I wanted him to pay."

"He was seriously injured, wasn't that enough?" Sandra asked calmly and slightly apprehensive about finding out the truth. The man shook his head. "It wasn't worth the risk. If he had survived Patricia would have been six feet under. I kept telling Alex to finish the bastard off but he kept refusing. So I lost it. It took me a while to get up; Josh had a tight grip on my leg I had to shake him off my ankle was hurt pretty bad. That's when I threatened to take the blade and use it on Alex." Sandra should have felt sick hearing this but somehow she wasn't surprised by what had come out of Paul Caudwell's mouth. "So Alex killed him?" She asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah."

"What and then you left?" Gerry asked.

"Yep. Went back to the house that's when Patricia's mum said if anyone asked I was at home all the time and Alex was there most of the evening." Paul stared at Sandra in hope of some reassurance. "So what will happen now?"

"You will be charged with perverting the cause of justice, as will your step-sister, adding and abetting and Alex will be charged with the murder of Josua Bradbury. Interview terminated at 20:51pm". Sandra nodded to the two uniformed officers who had been standing by the door for the duration of the interview signalling for them to escort Paul Caudwell from the room and into a holding cell. Sandra and Gerry remained in their seats when Paul turned round to face the blonde detective super. "Nice to see you again Sandy." She smiled slightly not bothering to correct him. She rose from her seat the moment Paul had been taken away and Gerry mirrored her movement. Even though he was a creep she almost felt sorry for him. Sorry his life had turned out the way it had. "You knew 'im then?"

"Shut it Gerry" she could have explained everything to him if she could have been bothered and besides today had been so intense it was time for a large dry white wine. She and Gerry found Brain and Jack on the corridor watching Paul disappear into the distance. Hopefully that's where he will stay she thought. Her thoughts were interrupted by Strickland who came to congratulate the squad "excellent work as usual team very well done".

"Thank you, sir have a good weekend". Sandra replied to her boss.

"Right, whose up for the pub?" Gerry asked gagging for a pint of anything that wasn't Felspar's bitter.

"Not me, Esther will be wondering where I am"

"I'll give you a lift home Brian. Night." Jack offered.

"Night boys, have a nice weekend" Sandra called to two thirds of her team.

"Pub?" Gerry persited.

"Your round, Gerald".

"With pleasure, Sandy." Sandra playfully punched Gerry's arm as much as that remark had pissed her off she had walked into that one. She giggled slightly and followed Gerry out of the station.


	7. Merlot and Sympathy

At their local joint it was pretty quiet and Sandra felt obliged to participate in the silence as well as supping her wine. Gerry held back, desperate to find out her connection with Paul Caudwell. They finished their drinks in near silence with the odd comment about work, how Brian's latest obsession with radio controlled planes was dying down and how much of an arse Strickland can be at times. "Gerry, will you take me home please?" He didn't give her an answer but simply smiled, he could tell she was upset about something, being the betting man Gerry Standing was he would have put money on it being Paul Caudwell.

Like their previous car journey this afternoon they remained in silence. When they reached Sandra's place Gerry got out of the car and felt obliged to open the passenger door. "Gerry the last thing I need is for you to be gentlemanly."

"I am always the perfect gentleman" he replied lighting a cigarette.

"Gerry your are not smoking that inside" she said taking it from his hand and dropping it to the floor before stubbing it out with her heel. He was taken aback. "Cor blimey Sandra, you didn't strike me as that kind of woman!" She immediately dropped the front she was putting on "Look Gerry I have had a really shit day and right now I could do with a friend". She turned towards the steps leading to her front door. Gerry held onto her wrist. He did care for Sandra and could not bear to see her as upset as she had been today. To tell the truth he felt honoured that Sandra had chosen his company, usually Jack would have been her first point of call, seen as he has been an almost father-figure to her throughout the years. Maybe is he hadn't wanted to give Brian a lift home. "Sorry" he said noticing a hint of sorrow in those beautiful bright blue eyes of hers. She didn't free her wrist from his grasp but lead him up the stairs and into the property.

Once inside Sandra gestured to Gerry to take a seat while she poured a bottle of her best Merlot into two oversized wine glasses. She walked into the lounge area and handed Gerry his wine glass before perching herself on the sofa so that she was sat adjacent to Gerry who had chosen to sit in the armchair. "Cheers, Guv."

"Cheers, Gerry I think this is well deserved."

"I'll drink to that" their glasses clinked together and their eyes met as both of them didn't want to be the one to break the age-old tradition and possibly bring them bad luck. Gerry grazed his teeth over his bottom lip slightly, hesitating as he opened his mouth. "Sandra, can I ask you something?"

"Just one thing?" Sandra replied as she traced her index finder around the rim of the wine glass.

"How d'ya know Paul Caudwell anyway?" She swallowed hard.

"I went to school with him, he was in my year we became quite close after my dad died, I guess you could say he was a kind of rock".

"Oh, like that was it?" Gerry raised his eyebrow trying to indicate he was joking.

"Actually, yeah as time passed we became inseparable and about tow years after I lost my dad we started a relationship" she smiled slightly as she confided in him.

"So you would have been what, 16?" Nodding, she took a sip from her glass.

"Sandra, am I right in assuming you were seeing Caudwell at the time of the Bradbury murder?" Concern grew in his voice. Sandra sighed; putting her glass in the centre of the coffee table she turned her head so she was looking him in the eye.

"No, we finished a couple of months before."

"Oh I see any particular reason why?"

"He changed. Got involved with the wrong type of people, he began dabbling in drugs. I tried to help him come off that stuff. Like how he had helped me with dad, but he wasn't interested, so I walked away" running her fingers through her hair she gave a stifled laugh.

"Wow" Gerry muttered. He would have never expected that from Sandra. By the look in her eye he could tell that she regarded the past as another country, another world even. The light from outside was beginning to disintegrated prompting Gerry to think about one of his greatest loves, other than women; food. Neither of them had eaten, not even lunch as they had been so busy trying to find leads to the now solved case.

"I don't know about you but I am quite peckish, d'ya fancy something to eat I could always rustle something up?"

"Gerry, I don't think that is possible"

"Sorry Guv, I didn't mean to-"

"Because there is nothing in the fridge you idiot". She chuckled.

"Your still not living on a diet of air are you?"

"You know me Gerry I love to eat, just not my own food, here" she threw him her purse "You can choose which world cuisine we shall dine on".

"Cheers Sandra but this one is on me, see ya in a minute".


	8. Confessions of a Teenage Sandra

One minute and 16 later Gerry returned to Sandra's flat and found that she had already set the table and topped up their drinks. "Here we go, old ole fashioned fish and chips" he said dumping the brown bag on the table.

"Oh, I haven't had fish and chips in ages, well chosen Gerry!" Sandra began unwrapping one of the packages and then placed it on the plate she had assigned to Gerry. "You know I can't remember the last time I had a meal with somebody."

"I bet you can't remember the last time you had a meal full stop." She nodded seen as she couldn't really argue against that. She seemed to be living salads recently. "So this Paul geezer, did you love him?" Sandra put down her knife and fork. "I suppose the silly 16 year old school girl I once was did, yeah."

"First love?" Nodding the corners of her mouth twitched.

"I suppose so."

"You never forget 'em your first love."

"Go on then, who was yours, Casanova?"

"Stacey Price, she lived on our street, very caring woman. She used to look after us."

"She was your babysitter?" Sandra mumbled though a mouthful of mushy peas.

"Like I have said before Sandra, I've always had a thing for older women."

"Umm and like I have said before Gerald, now there aren't any." The both shared a laugh then Sandra cleared their plates before dumping them in the sink. She and Gerry retired to the living room.

It was gone midnight and 3 empty bottles of Merlot later when Gerry considered phoning for a taxi to take him home when Sandra dropped a bombshell on her friend. "Gerry, can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah course." She smiled. Sandra could always relay on Gerry. Letting go of the cushion she was hugging she walked across the room stopping when she reached the fireplace. She reached up to retrieve a small wooden box, placing it on the floor she knelt down and took out its contents one by one. In it were several photographs, one of her mum, several of her dad, two of her with her mum and dad from a holiday to Brighton or some English seaside town and one of her and her boys taken at the outing they had all attended for UCOS' 5th birthday. Then she found what she was searching for. It was a folded up photograph that had been taped back together. Pulling herself up she walked towards the arm chair Gerry was sprawled out in full from dinner. "Promise me Gerry, you won't tell anybody about this?"

"Sandra, I promise." She searched his eyes to ensure what he had told her was the truth. Satisfied with his oath of truth she handed him the battered picture. Gerry opened it cautiously in light of the promise he had just made as he did Sandra fixed her gaze on the floor ashamed of Gerry might think of her. To his amazement he was staring at an 18 week ultrasound. Gerry opened his mouth to ask Sandra if the scan belonged to her but he knew better, after all it did say at the top 'Pullman. S' and was dated 1977. The 9th of April 1977 to be exact. He blinked removing his eyes from the scan and placing them on Sandra who was now back on the floor putting all her other memories back into the wooden box. "What happened?" Sweeping her hair from out of her face she placed the box on the coffee table and sat on the arm of the sofa so that she was close to Gerry and took hold of the cushion that was resting on the sofa so that she could hug it again, this time as a form of comfort and protection. "I miscarried. April 22nd. Nearly 20 weeks into the pregnancy." Her voice broke off and tears clouded her eyes.

"Oh Sandra, I'm so sorry." Gerry could not quite believe what he was hearing. Maybe this was the reason she had never wanted to start a family.

"It wasn't your fault." She didn't bother wiping away the tears despite them burning her cheek. This was the first time she had really been able to grieve for her unborn child. Gerry edged forward in his seat so that he could wipe away her tears. He wouldn't admit it but it actually broke his heart seeing Sandra hurt like this. "Was the baby Paul's?"

"Yeah." Her eyes locked together with his.

"Did he know?" She hesitated before answering that.

"No, no one did. No one does except you. I was going to tell him but that day I caught him doing drugs with another girl; she was a year older than me. He said he was only with me because he felt sorry for me with what happened to my dad. He was joking about it, he said if he left me I would have probably topped myself as I was an unstable wreck."

"Wow. What a bastard."

"I walked away I didn't want my daughter growing up arou-" Her composure collapsed as she broke down in tears. Gerry got up from the arm chair and sat beside Sandra on the settee. "Hey, it's okay" he reassured her, taking the cushion out of her grip and replacing it with himself. "Did your mum ever find out about this?" He whispered. Sandra pulled away from the embrace. "Christ no, I hid it from her, god knows how. I knew what she would say, how disappointed my father would have been." She let Gerry twirl his fingers through her silky, straight, blonde hair. "Which would have been the truth, I knew that but I couldn't admit it."

"Were you planning on keeping the baby?" He wasn't sure if he should be asking this but it was too late to take it back.

"Not at first I was going to- but then I saw her." Sandra's front teeth sunk deep into her bottom lip then she gave a faint smile "I think that was the first and only time I loved somebody properly". Gerry's hands slid from her scalp to her cheeks as he held her. "Up until then I was going to give her away or, you know".


	9. A Friend to Lean On

Pulling herself from Gerry's declaration of affection she shook off emotional offload. Noticing the clock said it was ten to two that Saturday morning she gave Gerry a proposition "you might as well stay here tonight, well what's left of it anyway, I'll go and make up the spare room".

"Your alright, I can kip on the sofa, I don't mind."

"I'll go and get you a blanket then." He watched her wonder down the hall, occasionally he had seen the vulnerable side of Sandra but he never expected her to share something like that with him. She returned a few moments later, "here" she handed him a blanket. "Good night Gerry." He stood up and she hugged him tight, he planted a gentle kiss her on the cheek. When he had done this in the past it had felt wrong. Weird. But tonight it was different somehow. Even though he had crossed this boundary before it felt right at this precise moment in time. She didn't pull away but took him by the hands and pulled him to the sofa. She nestled her face in his shoulder. She felt safe like this. Gerry wrapped the blanket around the both of them and Sandra slid onto her back. Satisfied that she wasn't going anywhere fast Gerry lay on the settee too.

They spent the next ten minutes or so in silence, Gerry had learnt today to cherish these moments. "Christ, I mean can you really see me as mother material?" His thoughts were interrupted by Sandra's utterance. He chose not to answer because beyond the cold exterior she put on for those not close to her, he knew she was a very loving and caring woman, the sort who would have made a brilliant mum in his opinion. "Hmm" he murmured, noticing she was starting to close her eyes. He would have got up to give her more room but her head was resting on his chest and she was laying on his arm, besides he was comfy enough himself.

"Thank you, Gerry" Sandra said hazily.

"What for?"

"This." She replied under her breath. Gerry kissed the top of her head and watched her drift off to sleep. "It's a pleasure" Gerry whispered before closing his own eyes and pulling the blanket up to ensure Sandra wouldn't get cold during the early morning.


	10. Good Morning

_I wasn't going to write anymore but after much love and support from BethyBoo97 I decided to update it. I'm not sure where it is going yet so please bare with me and I hope it is still going okay. Thanks for reading so far. :) _

Sunrise, the most beautiful sight of a morning. Usually Sandra failed to experience its beauty on a Saturday morning. Sandra woke up blinded by the bright light that reflected back into her eyes, that was odd. She rubbed her eyes with confusion as her fists slid down her face she realised that her cheek felt tacky like dried tears were imprinted on her face. Blinking, last night dawned on her, how she confided in Gerry about her deepest, darkest secret something she thought she would have never do. She smiled clocking Gerry's arm around her shoulder, crikey he looked pretty peaceful when he was asleep. In hindsight her first reaction would have been to jump up, wake Gerry, ask him to leave saying she would she him on Monday and to pretend what she had told him and everything else that had followed had never happened. But for some reason she wasn't going to do that, she had felt safe with him, the safest she had ever felt with another man other than her father, even his safety she had questioned somewhat in recent years finding out about his murky past. Maybe it was the lack of intimacy she had experienced or the lack of sleep but this was the most genuine sign of affection she had experienced. Yawning she decided she didn't have the heart to wake Gerry. Whatever Gerry did last night to make her drop that ice-cold guard she usually put on must have worked like a charm; usually she would have jumped at the chance to wind Gerry Standing up. Was she dreaming or did she actually see him in a different light? Either way she had no intention of getting up just yet.

Gerry sighed as he woke up; the sigh was one of both content and relief that wasn't the comfiest night sleep he had ever had. He wasn't bothered about his night though, he was glad Sandra slept okay he hoped that now she had told somebody about one of the worst points in her life she would sleep better, knowing she wasn't alone. He watched as her eyes blinked one after the other.

"Good morning." She smiled politely.

"Morning Gerry" she replied still groggy from the sleep she had just woken from.

"I bet you never imagined you would be waking up next to me did you, Guv?"

"What?" She pulled herself up so the back was leant on the arm rest of the sofa, running her fingers through her not so neat hair attempting to flatten it a little. "No not really, Christ I must look a mess." She thought out loud remembering she didn't take off her make-up before spilling her heart out to Gerry. He opened his mouth to give her a compliment on how she could carry off the panda eyed look. "Don't even think about it!" She looked at the clock which hung on the wall opposite where she sat, ten to bloody 7, on a typical Saturday she would usually be asleep for at least another 3 hours, still she was up now. "Well I guess there is no point sitting here all day, excuse me Gerald." She gestured to him to get off the sofa so she could go for a shower.

"Why have you got some place to be?"

"You know me Gerry; I've always got someplace to be." She winked at him playfully and wondered down the hall to the bathroom. Gerry laughed to himself, what was it with women being so mysterious especially after being so honest with him. Folding up the blanket it dawned on him, perhaps he was fonder of Sandra than he had anticipated.

20 minutes or so later Sandra reappeared, she was now wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a long black and white spotted top that could be doubled as a top with reapplied make up. "I thought I could smell something burning". She joked as she walked into the kitchen area to find Gerry buttering thick cut toast. "Well seen as that's all you had in it was all I could do. I was going to make you sample my world famous omelette but as I suspected you had no eggs." She took hold of the plate Gerry had shoved under her nose. "Oh yeah? Toast will do just fine, thank you." She took a bite and walked across to the other side of the counter and poured her and Gerry a mug of freshly made coffee. "God Gerry what have you put in this coffee?"

"Why does it not taste nice?"

"It's heavenly possibly the best coffee someone has ever made me."

"It's my secret ingredient" he said tapping his nose with his finger.

"What is it?"

"Maybe one day when you decide to do a food shop I will show you. Anyway speaking of secrets what is it you have planned for today?" Sandra finished her slice of toast and bushed away the crumbs around her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Well my mother's adamant that I visit her this year so I guess I should so that today get it out the way. I don't suppose you would give me a lift to the pub would you, seen as my car is still there?"

"Yeah course, I was wondering Guv, I promised Paula I would have Little Gerry this afternoon, and after would you like to experience some proper cooking?"

"Gerry Standing are you asking me on a date?" He scratched his head and shrugged.

"Well no not as such"

"Gerry, you know that kind of thing is out of the question, last night it was just a one off. Sorry if I have been giving you mixed signals."

"No you haven't Guv, I didn't mean it like that, just seeing you like that yesterday made me realise I should be more of a friend to you." That was possibly the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her.

"Ah cheers Gerry, I never thanked you properly for yesterday."

"You're welcome it was nothing."

"No it wasn't nothing, it was what I really needed." Then it dawned on him today was the 22nd of April, no wonder Sandra was behaving out of character.

"Do you want that lift then?" She nodded, walking over to the coat stand and taking hers and Gerry's coats.

By the time they arrived at the pub car park Sandra felt more reassured about the day that lay ahead of her, thanks to Gerry. Not that she wasn't going to tell him this, yet. He could be so big headed at times.

"Thank you for the lift Gerry, say hi to Paula and little Gerry for me."

"I will do, thank you for the hospitality Sandra, say hello to the mother for me."

She nodded leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks again Gerry, see you later."

"Bye Sandra". She got out of his car, fished her keys out of her handbag and unlocked her own car. Gerry reversed out of the car park satisfied she had got into her car okay.

Slamming the car door shut Sandra fired up the ignition. Even though she had carried out this routine every year on the 22nd of April for over thirty years she still had that choked up sensation in her throat. That fear of not being able to get through today. She composed herself together, she had done the hardest thing, telling someone about it and she knew Gerry was only at the other end of the phone if she needed him.


	11. 30 Year Old Tradition

Sandra had done this routine every day since she was 17. Mainly because she blamed herself for the miscarriage but also because she was the only thing she ever loved. She pulled up at the small village church close by to where she grew up. Sandra was by no means religious but it was a place she had discovered she could be with her thoughts without anyone intruding. The church was small and not the traditional grand church with stain glass windows, ornaments; in fact chairs were used instead of pews. The past few years it had been especially hard for Sandra to return here as the church reminded her of the one Jean abandoned Tom in. The whole situation with Tom had actually made it harder; to think when Sandra discovered she was pregnant the thought of abandoning the child at one point ran though her mind. Maybe that's why her baby girl was taken away from her to punish those cruel thoughts of a scared sixteen year old. She sat at the back of the church despite being the only person there. She wasn't afraid to cry here. Usually Sandra would picture what her daughter may have looked like, what she would have been like (probably a little madam just like most of the females in the family) or what she would have been called. Today thoughts of Gerry had crept in, how she was able to confide in him. She had tried over the years to tell someone about it, she tried to tell her mother on several occasions, she obviously tried telling Paul, she had even contemplated telling Jack. As time progressed it became either easier to keep it in or just harder to tell someone. Telling Gerry was relatively easy, he seemed to understand perhaps because he was a dad himself or Gerry's listening skills had drastically improved in the past week. Either way she was grateful to him for not judging her and well just being there.

After spending about half an hour in the house of God the next point of call for Sandra was a brisk walk in the park to the pub for lunch. There was a cold breeze in the air for the end of April. Luckily Sandra had wrapped up she was wearing her long black coat, a purple scarf, not forgetting her leather gloves. As she walked though the park she noticed the children playing in groups and with their families. That was when she was hit on the head with a football. She wanted to swear, that had really pissed her off, bloody kids should be kept under control but she held back when a small blonde boy who must have been about fiveor six came running up to her. "Sorry miss, I didn't mean to hurt you, please could I have my ball back?"

"Of course you can, here you go," That must have been the nicest she had spoken to a child under 11.

"Thank you, miss!" The boy smiled and re-joined his family. She smiled to herself, realising the reason for her hating children was a cover up for the fact she lost he baby. Wow she had grown up in the last year.

When she arrived at the pub she ordered her usual tipple a dry white wine studied the menu and found a table. She raised her glass in the air, silently toasting her daughter, something she did every year. Once she had decided what she was going to eat she realised she wanted some company. She reached into her pocket and retrieved her phone. Gerry might still be on grandpa duty but it was worth a try.

"Hey Gerry it's Sandra, yeah I'm okay thank you, listen I am in the Coach and Arms pub and wondering if your offer for dinner was still on, I could do with the company. Great. I will text you the address. See you soon."


	12. Breaking the Tradition

An hour and a half later and she had just about given up on Gerry's arrival. Downing the last drop of wine she took her coat and her handbag and was about to vacate the vicinity. "Oi, watch it!" The pub door swung open and Gerry burst in. Sandra shook her head in embarrassment. "Can you believe that swine didn't even bother looking to see if anyone was trying to get though before he left?"

"Gerry." Sandra's voice was low indicating that he should sit down and shut up rather than standing in the middle of the pub shouting from the top of his lungs. Knowing it was usually best to do as Sandra wished he obliged and joined her at the table. "Sorry I'm late, Paula got held up at work. How's your mum?"

"What? Oh God only knows. I haven't spoken to her since Christmas." Gerry could sense she was somewhat distracted.

"I thought you were going to see her today?"

Sandra shook her head "No I didn't It's the 22nd. Every year since I lost her I do the same thing, I go to Church on Goswell Street-"

"What you Church?" Gerry was slightly tickled at this remark.

"Yeah, church. What's so funny about that?"

"Nothing, sorry Guv, you just don't strike me as the religious type."

"No your right I'm not. I went when I was 17 as it was somewhere I could think you know, keep myself to myself without any bugger interfering. After that it became something of a tradition. Sad isn't grieving for something that I never had."

Gerry covered her had with his and looking into those captivating eyes of hers, "Nah it isn't I understand as soon as my wives told me they were pregnant it was like they were there, I know loadsa people say that they aren't actually babies until much later but that's a load of cobbler's in my opinion." A single tear slid down Sandra's cheek. "Sorry I'm not helping am I?" She wiped it away and laughed.

"No more than usual." He laughed in response. Being a dad himself he couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child and he was adamant that she wasn't going to go through it any longer.

"Christ Gerry, it's been 30 odd years, why haven't I got over it?"

"Because a parent doesn't."

"That's just the thing, I'm not."

"Maybe there's your answer." She sighed, fighting back more tears.

"Hey, it's gunna be okay." He took her hand, and squeezed it tight. Almost immediately she withdrew it. "Gerry, the last thing I want or need is your sympathy."

"Well it's a good job, cuz you're not gunna to get it. But you are going to get my friendship."

"Thanks." She smiled. There it was proof Gerry Standing wasn't a complete bastard.

"Are we going to order then?"

"Actually Gerry, I'm not really hungry, you can still eat if you're hungry."

"Nah, you're alright, tell you what there's a park not far from here, I'll buy you an ice cream."

"Gerry, its bloody freezing."

"So? Come on Sandra you know you want to."

"You're worse than an old lady. Fine I will have a stupid ice cream if it stops you nagging me." He smiled, for some reason he liked it when she was cruel to him, it must have been working with her for so long. They left the pub, Gerry lit a cigarette and with his free hand he took hers. This time she didn't pull away but instead they walked through the park hand-in-hand like young lovers. Christ had her life come to this? Holding hands with Gerry Standing.

"This is nice this innit." He said almost reading her mind.

"If you say so, Gerry." She wasn't going to let him know that was exactly what she thought too.


	13. 3 Months Later

3 months later Sandra walked out of The Old Bailey after giving evidence in the Josua Bradbury murder. Recalling everything Alex, Patricia and Paul hand all said to her and they boy's surrounding the violent murder. That was easy. Looking Paul in the eye and then telling the Judge how uncooperative he was with the truth at first was the hard part.

Before she had set foot in the court she had told herself Paul Caudwell was someone else, not the teenage boy she had fallen in love with when she was 16. Despite the fact the murder took place only a few months after she last saw him "Pull yourself together Pullman the last time you saw Paul he was jacking up and acting like a tosser. This is the guy who encouraged his cousin to kill another man. Not the caring warm hearted boy you knew and loved." She told herself via the bathroom mirror.

"Paul Michael Caudwell the jury have found you guilty of the following offences, perverting the cause of justice and aiding and abetting to the murder of Josua Bradbury. I hereby sentence you to 14 years imprisonment." Everything Sandra had told herself had gone out the window, she wanted to shout out to the judge that he had got it all wrong Paul wasn't like this it was ever since Alex had come to live with him that he changed. Then her eyes met his. Those warm hazel coloured eyes that she once adored now looked like bullets causing her remember how he appeared on the day she last saw him, when she was going to tell him she was pregnant, that they were going to have a baby together. He looked pretty evil to her then, maybe it was the drugs or the hurtful things he had said behind her back either way he looked like that today. The truth was he was involved with a brutal murder and he had the look to match.

Sandra watched as he was escorted out of the prison, then she rose like the rest of the court she rose and swiftly left the building. He was out of her life forever. Walking out of the court she felt as if someone was pulling her back. She turned around and saw a gloved hand on her right shoulder. Looking up she saw Gerry's face.

"Bloody hell Gerry, what are you doing here, you frightened the life out of me!"

"I thought you might have like some moral support considering whose trial you were giving evidence at and besides you wanted me to talk to Alistair Morecroft, his gaff is only 3 miles or so away from here."

"Oh thanks, I guess."

"Any time, how long did the bastard get in the end?"

"14 years." Sandra said coldly.

"It's better than nothing. Anyway you coming to ask Alistair Morecroft what he knows about Jessica Finde's dissaperance?"

"Nah, I've got some paperwork to do back at the office. I shall see you later."

They exchanged goodbyes at the car park and drove off in separate directions.

Gerry wondered why Sandra wouldn't let him into what was going through her mind. She had done so far, why was she so determined to keep him at arm's length now?


	14. You Have Mail

Two weeks with Jessica Finde's disappearance just about solved bar the tedious and overly complicated paper work Sandra was alone in her office coming to terms with the mass of paper work she had yet to complete. She jumped at the sound of the knock at the door as she had been too absorbed in her work. "Yes?"

"Sandra the boys from upstairs sent this down, it's addressed to you."

"Cheers Jack" She leant over her desk to take it from his grasp. Glancing at it she noticed the postmark said "HM Prison Belmarsh".

"New case?" Jack pried.

"I'm not sure probably one of the prisoners has found God and decided to admit to a crime they committed years ago". Sandra reasoned.

"No doubt." Jack said leaving her office.

Sandra waited until he had firmly closed the door behind him and made sure by peering out her window that he had returned to his desk before considering opening the letter. She didn't even know why she was considering it, she knew exactly what it was, a visiting order from Paul. Tearing it open she scan read it, this time she felt nothing towards his desire to see him. She had seen copies of this letter so many times in the past week it was now just words on a piece of paper. Before she could think about what she was going to do with it Gerry barged into the office.

"Oi! You ever heard of knocking?"

"Sorry Guv"

"Well, what is it you want?"

"I've finished writing up that stuff on the case you asked me to do, Brian's sorted out all the timesheets and all audit crap and Jack's about finished whatever it is he's doing so were off to the pub you coming?"

"Umm yeah I'll meet you there just gotta finish this." As she reached the end of her sentence she realised Gerry's eyes were fixed on the letter was still in her left hand.

"What's that you got?" Sandra's immediate response was to tell him to mind his own business but she could trust Gerry, more so now than ever. Plus she wanted someone to talk to.

"Close the door" She said lowly and gestured for him to take a seat. Once he had done this she handed him the visiting order. Sandra watched Gerry with eagle eyes as he read the letter. He looked up over the top of the letter and his eyes met with hers. Sandra bit her bottom lip and raised her eyebrows inviting Gerry to give her a response.

"You're not seriously thinking of going are you?"

"Well I wasn't"

"He has a bloody nerve asking you to visit him."

"Yeah I guess he does but as much as I hate his guts he probably wants some reassurance from someone, he makes out that he's all hard arsed but the truth is I don't think he actually is."

"Sandra, this is the guy who-" He trailed off he wasn't going to be the one to say it out loud, plus she knew what she on about.

"Yeah I am aware of that Gerry thank you!" She realised she had said that too harshly. "Sorry I didn't mean-"

"It's alright."

"The first one he sent me I threw away but then after the third I began thinking, maybe I should see him again."

"Sandra, you owe him nothing!"

"I know but I think maybe it's the only way I can but the past behind me. Or at least try to." She took the letter back from Gerry and placed it in her top draw along with the other three she had received in the past two weeks.

"God, tell me you don't believe in all this closure crap"

"I don't know Gerry, but I do think maybe he's entitled to know about what happened."

"I'm not sure raking up the past is going to help you Guv." Concern grew in his voice. Silence rang loudly in the room for a few seconds but the pair of them both felt like it was longer.

"Gerry, I just want to stop feeling this way." She finally said.

"I know, listen Sandra I'm gunna do my very best to help ya. That is as long as you need me." She smiled. Sandra Pullman would be the last to admit she needed let alone wanted any help.

"Thank you Gerry, will you come with me to Belmarsh on Wednesday, that is if I go."

"Course." She smiled reaching for her hand which was resting on the desk. "You coming to the pub then?"

"Actually I think I am going to give it a miss. Have a nice time."

"Cheers Guv." He stood up and was half way out of the office before he softly said "Oh, Sandra try and get some sleep, there's no need to worry." She smiled and mouthed the words "Thank you" before bidding goodnight to Brain and Jack and sitting down to finish the mountain of paperwork that lay before her.


	15. Decisions, Decisions

Sandra looked at the clock in the corner of her computer screen, if she was going to visit Paul she really should be leaving. She left her office to allocate the boys jobs. Walking into the UCOS hub where Brian, Jack and even Gerry were hard at work. "Right, Gerry you're with me it's time someone questioned ex DCI Kirk about his negligence to the case. Brian can you trace all the phone calls Fredrick Thompson made the weeks leading up to his death and Jack, someone's got to press forensics for the results on the second blood sample found under Thompson's finger nail's." Jack sighed as she said this; he was becoming tired of always being assigned the awkward jobs. Sandra folded her coat over her arm and followed Gerry out of the station. Sandra unlocked her car and she and Gerry got in. "Guv, have you forgotten what day it is?" Unsure if visiting ex DCI Kirk was a cover, he thought it was best if he approach the subject subtlety.

"Of course I am Gerry."

"I thought you were gunna visit Caudwell."

"Well you thought wrong." As much as Gerry despised Paul for putting Sandra thought hell and more, since last week when she had told him it may be the best way to help her come to terms with the past.

"Look, maybe I was too hasty damming the suggestion to see him maybe it would be some kind of help."

"Gerry, thanks for your concern, but I don't need it. Right now my priority is to catch the person who set fire to Fredrick Thompson's garage and killed him."

"Sandra, I am worried about you."

"Yeah well don't be, I am able to look after myself you know!" Sandra's patience was now non-existent.

"Really, Sandra because I think you need help and strangely enough I would like to give it to you" Gerry's face was full of emotion as much as she cared for Sandra at times like this she was impossible and that pissed him off no end. Sandra covered her eyes with the palms of her hands and leant in so her forehead was pressed against the top of the steering wheel. She gave out a stifled sob. As she did Gerry instantly felt guilty for losing his temper with her, he took her hands away from her face and made her turn to face him. She hesitated before blurting out "Gerry I'm scared".

"It's alright, like I said I want to help you, whether you like it or not." Smiling she tuned the ignition on and started the engine. "It's now or never then, isn't it?" Gerry smiled that cheeky little boy smile of his to reassure Sandra everything would be okay and once they had both put on their seat belts Sandra put her foot down wanting to get this over and done with as soon as possible.

Outside the intimidating building where the barbed wire spiralled up and spilled over the top of the almost corporate looking building, Sandra leaned over the back seat to fish the visiting order and her police badge out of her turquoise handbag. Drumming the corner of the visiting order across her chin she turned to Gerry.

"I am doing the right thing aren't I, Gerry?"

"I think so Guv, look at it this way, you have nothing to lose, if I were you I would tell him about, er you know, explain you thought he had a right to know and then this is goodbye. Walk out of each other's lives for good." That sweet reassuring smile was back.

"Sounds easy enough. But Christ Gerry, I can't just spring this on his and walk away, that isn't fair."

"No Sandra, what he did to you wasn't fair. Besides it's all in the past now, Paul Caudwell can't change that."

"Yeah your right, I'm just not sure I can tell him, with all those other people there."

"That's easy, when you get in show the guys on the desk your badge and tell 'em you need to speak with him. I know it's not strictly police procedure.."

"But when has that ever stopped you, eh? For once Gerald, I think you're the voice of reason."

"Cheers" he said smiling like an infatuated school boy who had just been praised by a female teacher. "Do you want me to come with you, Guv?"

"Thanks Gerry but no, this is something I've got to do by myself.


	16. Facing the Music?

Once inside, Sandra became Detective Supernatant Pullman rather than the Sandra Pullman she was back when Paul knew her, she thought by creating a barrier between them it would be easier. Signing in she thought to herself that sniffer dog knows, god if a bloody dog could work out she was making a very poor attempt at hiding her personal thoughts and emotions she was well and truly buggered. However, she was pulled away from her thoughts by the dog's handler "It's alright Benny, the nasty lady doesn't have a gun on her today." That comment made her blood boil it had been eight years since she had accidently shot a dog, cocking up the rescue of a high profile hostage which could have ruined her career. She smiled sarcastically at the handler and preceded to the holding block they had ready for her 'interview' with Paul Caudwell. Quite frankly today she had bigger fish to fry than some idiot's passing comment on something that happened over eight years ago that have absolutely nothing to do with him.

After 10 minutes of staring solidly at the whitewash wall one of the prison warders brought Paul through. "Ma'am" the warden said, exchanging nods with Sandra.

"Thank you" she said, watching him leave the room.

"Sandra, I was beginning to think you were ignoring me. My, my it's cosy in here isn't it?" She couldn't help but notice that his once heavenly hazel eyes had hardened since his custodial sentence, even more so than when she saw him at his trail. In fact his whole appearance had hardened. The way he walked, the way he spoke and even the way he folded his arms. He was by no means a big bloke but he tried his best to imitate that persona, Sandra quickly assumed it was a defence mechanism to ensure he stays alive whilst in here.

"Treating you well, are they?"

"As much as can be expected." He grunted, taking the seat opposite her.

"So, Paul why are you so adamant to see me?" Asked DS Pullman.

"I don't know bumping into to you brought back a lot of memories. That's all."

"I would hardly describe it as 'bumping' into me, Paul you helped aid a murder of a young man. Come on really why do you want to see me?"

"That's the honest truth."

"Paul, you are not the first convict to have asked me to, how do I put it? Put in a good word with the people in charge here. I don't work like that, especially not for you." She spat his cheek made her sick.

"Am I really that easy to read, crikey I can't have changed much in 30 off years."

"No Paul, I am able to read when people like you are lying because that is my job."

"I always knew you would go far, Sandra." He was desperate to call her Sandy like he did back when they were inseparable but he knew by the rage in those beautiful blue eyes that were even more so gorgeous when she was angry, that is wasn't a good idea.

"Well maybe if I hadn't discovered what a low-life junkie you really were I might have not been" She said almost spitting in his face.

Paul was taken aback by all the restrained hurt Sandra was showing. "Sandra I was 16, I was stupid back then I would have done anything then to get me some street-cred."

"Oh don't I know it, did you tell that to Josua Bradbury's parents after you helped kill him?" She snapped, more so than she intended. Sandra was failing miserably at keeping her emotions under wraps.

"Come on Sandra, we both know that you're not hear because of that, I realise what I did to you was low, in fact it very low and I am sorry for that but it's in the past now."

"Yeah, too right it is. I am glad you realise what you did was low. Have you any idea just how hurtful it is to have the one person who has stood by you though the toughest time of your life treat you like a laughing stock to other people, just so he can raise his own 'street-cred?" Sandra snarled. "To think that day, that actual day I was going to tell you that-" She couldn't tell him, she hadn't the nerve.

"Tell me what?" Paul did feel guilty about what he had done, but he like Gerry was angry at the way she was treating the whole situation and to some extent him.

"Nothing" She said frostily.

"Yes it was something; now tell me for god's sake." He too spoke with rage that was livid in his face. That was it, the last straw for Sandra.

"That I was pregnant. Okay, satisfied". Shit! That did not go how she had imagined.

His instant reaction was to laugh. "Come off it Sandy what was it really." He searched her face which said it all. "You're not joking are ya?"

"No Paul I'm not, I was going to tell you there and then but when I saw you getting high with that Olivia Penslow and telling her that you were only with me because you felt sorry for me that was it."

"Jesus, Sandra. I'm speechless. What happened? Did you keep it?" The tone of his voice drastically changed from rage to guilt.

"I miscarried, at 20 weeks. Like us it wasn't meant to be."

"Shit, Sandra." He responded, not sure what to say next.

"Like you said, it's in the past." She rose from her seat, signalling that this confrontation was over. "Do you want to know why I agreed to see you today?" He nodded. "Because I thought it would help me get closure, but all this shit behind me. And you know what? It has done just that." Paul looked at her and for a second she thought those big puppy dog eyes had returned.

"Will I see you again Sandra?" She shook her head solemnly.

"No, Paul, I don't think you will." This time her voice was much softer, calmer as if nostalgia had gotten the better of her.

"I'm sorry Sandra for everything." He said in much the same tone of voice.

"Goodbye, Paul." She said slipping out of the room.

Her instant reaction was to cry, tears of sadness that that part of her life was really gone for good or perhaps it was tears of relief that she had gone through with telling him and that it was all over. Deciding that is was both she signed out, smiled at the sniffer dog and his handler that had judged her an hour or so before. And returned to her car.

Immediately after opening the driver's door Gerry looked up from the book he had been reading. "Well how did it go?" Sandra shrugged.

"Not as I expected but it's over with. Thank you Gerry. I think you advice actually worked."

"Well don't sound so surprised. I'm just glad your okay." He took her hand and brought it up to his lips kissing it so slightly she barley felt it.

"Do you fancy coming round tonight for a curry or something after work, as a thank you for everything you've done? I think it's the least I owe you." Gerry was well and truly touched.

"Yeah, sounds good to me, cheers Guv." He smiled satisfied that the Sandra Pullman he knew and loved was slowly returning to him.


	17. Thank You Dinner

True to her word Sandra had made a curry, one of her favourites, chicken jalfrezi to be exact and to nitpick even further by 'made' Sandra prepared the dish by taking the ready meal out of the card packaging pierced the film and put it in the oven then at half past seven she put the meal into the only dish she owned to create the illusion she had cooked it herself. That was all she could just about manage. Her life had never really catered for cooking, if you would pardon the pun. Sandra laid the table poured herself a glass of wine as she waited for Gerry.

True to his word Gerry arrived at Sandra's apartment exactly at eight. Sandra went to answer her front door and was greeted by Gerry's big grin and a bottle of wine shoved under her face. "To get the party warmed up."

"Gerry, it's not a party."

"Well it should be." Sandra stepped back to allow him in, she took the wine and his coat, as he walked past her he glanced at her. "You scrub up well." He said noticing how perfectly the navy blue zip up dress fitted her, showing off her hour glass figure.

"Cheers Gerry, you coming through or are you going to dawdle in the hallway all evening?"

"Yeah I'm coming" he followed her into the dining area.

"Good because dinner is served" Sandra gestured to Gerry to take a seat and his jaw dropped slightly at the sight of evidence that Sandra had actually tried to cook something. "Did you cook this?"

"Don't sound so surprised"

"But I thought you didn't cook"

"Didn't and can't are two separate things Gerald, you would do well to remember that." She winked playfully serving him up some of her 'home-made curry'. Gerry took a folk full and was pleasantly surprised, he knew before he got here that she would have made some sort of effort but he was not actually expecting it to taste any good.

"And your sure this isn't a ready meal."

"You're the food expert Gerry, you tell me"

"And it didn't come out of a jar?"

"No Gerry it did not come out of a jar, now are you going to eat it or are just going to carry on with your attempt to channel the jalfrezi in hope of finding out where it came from?

"Fine" hehe muttered and resumed eating his meal. Sandra giggled he was so easy to wind up.

Half an hour later Gerry had pretty much licked his plate clean and had even offered to do the washing up while Sandra finished preparing the secretly shop bought trifle. He couldn't help but smile when he saw the ready meal packaging in the bin when it came to scraping Sandra's plate clean, that line she spun about not eating much of her own cooking was all an act. He thought about calling her up on it but she had gone to all this effort just to thank him for, well not a lot really, just listening to her and being there so he thought she might be a bit upset if he uncovered her secret.

After desert Sandra suggested that they go into the living area, Gerry agreed he had no real desire to go home just yet. He remembered the last time that this had happened when she opened up to him about the baby and everything, if that was anything to go by he was in for a good evening he had already sampled the good food and wine and now he was about to sample the good company of Sandra Pullman.

They both were not really watching the low budget romantic comedy film that was on the telly but it was back ground noise as they both searched for words to say. "Gerry, I know I have said it before but thank you, I am so grateful to you for all you have done and I really appreciate it before I opened up to you I didn't think that I would ever be able to move on and forgive myself for losing the baby." Gerry ran his fingers through her hair, showing she had his full attention. "You see, I know I will never forget what happened and I don't want to either but you made me realise it's okay to be upset but also that it is possible to find ways of dealing with it and telling Paul about her did that."

He thought she was going to cry but when he looked closely he noticed a speck of mascara in the corner of her eye he moved in to try and tease it out of her eye. She blinked, surprised at his gesture. "You're welcome Sandra" he said and she let him continue to get the mascara out of her eye. He could tell it was irritating her. She smiled, Gerry was in touching distance from her and this time it felt so right, perfect even. So she leaned in and that was when she kissed him. At first it wasn't a passionate kiss, she just brushed her lips against his maybe as a thank you but the chemistry between them has been ignored or too long, eight years too long and now for Sandra it was unbearable. As much as she had denied it in the past she needed him. Not in the 'lovey dovey' sense but as a friend, someone who understood her who knew what was best for her but most of all someone who was going to be there for her no matter what.

As much as Gerry had fantasised about this moment and dam that kiss was better than he could have ever imagined her wasn't sure if what they were doing was for the best. He pulled away, "Sandra, are you sure this is what you want?"

She nodded "More than anything, I need you Gerry." She leaned in again this time placing her arms around his neck, closed her eyes and kissed him again. The electricity that ran though them was conformation in itself to prove this is what Sandra wanted.

"God, Sandra, do you know how many times I have imagined this actually happening?" He said into her mouth, half scared that is he pulled away it would either be a dream or it would be over.

"I have a rough idea yes" she said as Gerry worked his way down her body kissing her neck. She let out a tiny squeal as he found her sensitive spot near the bottom of her neck. "Gerry are you sure this is what you want?"

"Sandra, do you even have to ask?" She took his hand and jumped up from the sofa, god how had her life come to this, she was the one wanting to sleep with Gerry Standing? He followed her eagerly to the bedroom.

The last time Sandra woke up to find Gerry by her side she felt content that she had finally confided in someone and that Gerry had listened to her but this time when she awoke she felt happy, more than happy she felt wanted and in a funny way loved. What she had experienced last night was nothing like she had ever experienced before, it was like Gerry knew her, understood her unlike the guys she was prone to seek that kind of affection with, funny how a few months ago she would have been quick off the mark to shove Gerry in the same category as them. When she first met him she could remember telling Jack that she didn't like him and she did not trust him. Now, Gerry Standing was the one person she would put all her trust in and as for liking him, it might have been the lack of sleep or her emotions running high but she had a feeling her heart was beginning her tell her it could be more than that.

_THE END! :) Thank you so much for all your love and support, a big shout out to BethyBoo97 whom without her constant support this little story would have been finished chapters ago and whose kind words have never failed to make my day! I hope you all have enjoyed this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it! I hope I did the UCOS team, especially Sandra and Gerry justice! :) please feel free to let me know what you thought (without being too mean!) Love Gee 3 xxx_


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